The family selfie above is our last moments before going home!
At the end of 2015 there was a still, small seed planted in my soul – “I is time to go home.” I know the day. I know the time. I know the place. The idea of returning home, in my head, seemed to be such a crazy thought. It was an out of place feeling, I had been on the move for more than 25 years. The idea was also very unexpected. But, it was there. I felt it and new that the seed had been planted and covered with soil (fancy word for dirt!).
As I welcomed in the 2016 new year the roots began to grow and take hold with my vision. Everyday things appeared just a little different. I saw work differently – there was an end-date – no longer the idea of building and growing appealed to me. I saw my commitment to community as no longer necessary of my investment. I saw the education of my kids and the relationships with their teachers as temporary. I saw my checkbook and account differently – spend on only those things essential to survival. Every moment, for me, was just for that moment. And, many events, people and things became the water to nurture the growing seed of change – they were confirmation. I am ready to go home now.
There came a point that I could no longer deny the growing need to not only leave, but to go home. So, I began to prepare. I began to clean my office. I began to speak to my staff about the departure. I began to clean and box my home. I began to secure and brace my kids. I began to block out all of the voices that in good conscious and with well intent provided expertise – the ones who tell you to ‘stay until’ … some random event, milestone or mile-marker. I began to Pray.
I am ready to go home now. I was 583 miles. Which would take 8hours and 58minutes to drive. Or 2 plane connections, 8hour flight plus a 2hour drive.
What I know for Sure
Here is what I know for sure. Change is inevitable, it’s not easy, but inevitable. There is so much more to this life that what is immediately before us. If change has been planted in your spirit – be still. Listen to the change. Feel the change. Allow the change (seed) to grow in you. Nurture it. Give it the information it needs, meet with the experts, go out on a limb to figure out what is and what comes next. Don’t spend your valuable resources (energy, time, money, etc.) fighting to stay where you are when a seed is trying to grow with you – that smothers the possibly of growth, change, more … ultimately life. And, stop listening to everyone else – there is no way they know what it’s like to carry your gift! No way!
Maybe you are supposed to find another job. Maybe you are supposed to do more and do better with the job you have. Maybe you are supposed to grow the business you have started. Maybe you are supposed to take the other job that has been offered. Maybe you know in your soul that this relationship with a friend, spouse, significant other … is not for you! And, quite the opposite, it could be that it absolutely is for you.
Don’t Look Back
What we often find is that it is much easier to look back because we cannot see what’s in front of us – there are no guarantees. Let me say that anything that is essential for you from “back there” is with you today. There is no need to look back. In coming home, yes I did come home, I have shared with my husband that it feels like we are in a heavy fog and we can’t see what’s coming, which creates more than its fair share of anxiety. But, not once have we looked back.
Take one step at a time. Look around and say … yes, I am still standing. So, now I can take another step. Well, good night, I am still standing. Even in the fog, I am still standing. You have to find the source of belief & trust that you can do all things! You have to be able to be steadfast and not easily swayed. You have to have your eyes, heart, ears and soul fixed on what in front of you … at all times.
I can share that I smile more. I laugh more. I eat dinner with my whole family, which I have not done in years. We talk about the day. I comb hair in the morning. My kids have a close relationship with their grandparents. I fuss about school work. I
am writing more. I am doing things that have brought me anxiety in previous years – they now bring me peace!!!
I don’t know about tomorrow – it’s still quite foggy. But I believe that it will be amazing and extraordinary if only because my soul is happy to be home